My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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