she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
