The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The best revenge is premature balding
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
