If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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