What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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