so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
