sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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