I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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