If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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