i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
