It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
