the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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