I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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