I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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