I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
