This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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