So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
