I want to make a zoo with you.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
