it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
