Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she peed on how many people?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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