I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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