Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
