i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
