woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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