So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
