Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I did not marry a roomba.
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