Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
