my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
