Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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