I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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