i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
