I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize