I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
