Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Blood and glitter go together right?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
