now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
