no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
