I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
