Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
