you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
