You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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