In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Welp...herpes.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
