i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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