My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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