do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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