I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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