your parents love me but you hate me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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