just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
