Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
