The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
