There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Will exercising make me less horny?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
