Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
