You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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