Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
