I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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