It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
