Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
