eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
