I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I love how my cats smell like pot.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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