so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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