Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
