What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize