remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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