I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
