I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
