I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize